I used to blog regularly. Those were the days when M and I took long meandering walks and planned overseas adventures and slept until 9 on weekends and had a regular froyo habit. I was just entering my 30’s, ripe and ready to have babies and start writing for reals.
Fast forward a few years. M and I have two lovely daughters, established careers, and a very practical family car. I’ve published things I’m proud of and can execute a decent chaturanga. Our adventures run more towards Train Town and children’s museums, but still, we’re frolicsome.
What hasn’t changed much are my propensities to fret and fear the worst, to seek some kind of order to assuage the terrifying uncertainties of life. In fact, most days I feel like my anxiety is worsening, like catastrophe is lurking around each routine check-up and seismic blip, like I’m stalking perfection.
So imagine my surprise when I managed to have a fantastically un-perfect birthday yesterday. Each chase (perfect cottage cheese pancakes! flawless Pilates class! scrumptious Chinese lunch! fun happy hour party!) was tripped up by something (a burned skillet; a parking ticket; stuffed on orange chicken; my crying baby).
And yet none of it ruined my day. Dahlia finally quieted down and napped (dear sweet M babysat) while I took Mallory to a party. She pounded juice boxes and watched a puppet show; I chatted and laughed the evening away without worrying that I wasn’t sufficiently bedazzled. Once back home, M and his sister lit the candles and I savored each bite of my gilded champagne buttercream cake even though I forgot to use our new antique cake spade to serve the slices.
So here’s to a new year, a new age (38!?), a new possible outlook. Here’s to being able to roll with the waves, accepting both the crests and the troughs. Here’s to living this moment with gratitude instead of fearing its demise or mourning its tainted imperfections.
Here’s to a new blog! This time around I’m not going to be such a Capricorn about it. No strict schedule, no obsessing over each comma, no mandates to post every week, no waiting until the moon is waxing just so…
Just me and my fingertips and whatever slice of life we are inspired to capture.